Upcoming Films Part One

I really enjoyed writing these sillier articles, and they were also popular with students and slightly informative.

Details were correct at time of printing. Things change, life goes on.

May 13

Robin Hood

What’s it about? Robbing from the rich and killing anyone who mentions tights.

Who’s in it? Russell Crowe. Cate Blanchett. Merry Men.


May 20

The Losers

What’s it about? Yet another comic book movie without the superpowers, unless killing a lot of people is a power.

Who’s in it? The Comedian from Watchman. The Blue Chick from Avatar.


May 27

Prince Of Persia

What’s it about? A Persian Prince trying to find a magic dagger before the bad guy does.

Who’s in it? A buff Donnie Darko. The very oily girl in Quantum of Solace.


June 3

Sex And The City 2

What’s it about? No plot details have been released but it will probably mention clothes.

Who’s in it? The four main women have a combined age of 187.


June 24

Toy Story 3

What’s it about? An astronaut and a cowboy, the non-porn version.

Who’s in it? All of the characters you loved as a kid plus Timothy Dalton and a Ken doll.


July 1

The Twilight Saga: Eclipse

What’s it about? Spending two hours wondering why you’re not watching Toy Story 3.

Who’s in it? That moody guy. That moody girl. That moody but jacked guy.


July 18

Jonah Hex

What’s it about? A bounty hunter has to hunt down his last kill, depending on box office figures.

Who’s in it? Megan Fox as a prostitute. John Malkovich in batshit crazy mode.


August 5

Death At A Funeral

What’s it about? Stealing the plot from an excellent 2007 British film.

Who’s in it? The same midget from the original. Chris Rock AND Martin Lawrence. Yay.


August 26

Scott Pilgrim vs. The World

What’s it about? Michael Cera playing the role of Michael Cera, must defeat his girlfriend’s seven evil exes.

Who’s in it? Michael Cera. Shaun of the Dead director Edgar Wright is behind the lens.


The Expendables

What’s it about? Every action star ever teams up to blow big holes in South America.

Who’s in it? Rambo. The Terminator. John McClane. The